Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
