i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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