is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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