it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize