I am puke
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
