they need to just BURY HIM!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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