They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
