you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
