Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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