Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
