I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
