this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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