Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize