you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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