you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
