I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
