I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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