Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
