oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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