are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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