Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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