so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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