even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
