Sponge bath it is.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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