I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
