dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
