It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think my moral compass just broke
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