Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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