I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
