My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
