rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
