I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
