$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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