K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
