I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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