I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
