so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's always time for handjobs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
NoShamevember. You game?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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