just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
