well I can't set my house on fire every night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize