were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
