Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
