Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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