We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
