I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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