8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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