i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize