my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
