Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
