He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
