I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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