So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
