R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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