Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
