i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
