We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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