Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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