Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
