So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
