i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
