if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
