Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
