why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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