I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
