someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
