I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
